I just realized that I only blogged twice in February. That’s because February is Congenital Heart Month, and as the uber-achieving heart mom that I am, I was doing multiple congenital heart events including accepting a tribute at the state capitol, where I fell onto a random legislator because I can’t manage heels and stairs together (or separately either, really). It was classic Amanda. Next year I plan to be less busy and fall on fewer strangers.
I am seriously proud of my two posts that I did write in February because they were honest and fresh. I’ve always been honest, but there’s a transparency in my thinking that is new and crisp. I have lived an anxious life for my entire existence, and it’s just been in the past few months that the haze of constant worry or panic is lifting. It’s partly the medication, but it’s mostly me doing the hard work of sorting out what is “me” and what is real and moving past both. It’s the moving past it that’s the work. It’s breaking old habits that from the outside don’t even look like bad habits, but lead me to do too much and then stress out about it.
Being a Liam’s and Moira’s mom really is my favorite job. Being Liam’s mom means that today, with February over, I called our insurance provider and talked the CHD coordinators, people I’ve been very happy NOT to speak with for over four years. We’re getting the all-clear for Philadelphia. In August I’ll be in full-on heart-mom mode when we take Liam to see seven specialists in one day and hear what they have to say. August is months away, and yet there’s another Holter monitor coming this month . . . over spring break . . . there really are no breaks. So, I’m taking a break and giving it to myself.
Heart Month is over, and my life is beginning again and anew. I’m writing again, back to the books – reading and writing them. Spring is in the air, time to pack up the Valentines and move forward.