My Wait Problem . . .
Almost two weeks ago I noticed my left leg didn’t want to support my weight, worsened by uneven numbness in both of my feet. Random numbness in my hands, feet, and occasionally my face is not, I’m sad to say, a new sensation. This has been going on since I was sixteen. I got my first migraine when I was seven. . . good times. But the leg feeling like it’s wrapped in thick rubber bands thing is new. I didn’t DO anything to my leg. If I had I would just be like, “Oh I hurt my leg, limping on.”
I did not hurt my leg, but it doesn’t want to work. This mystery led me to my doctor last week and then to the MRI machine last Friday (it is Thursday). Turns out I have lesions on my brain. I also have a vascular anomaly . . . in my brain. It’s possible I might have multiple sclerosis (which I refuse to capitalize in protest because I do not have a diagnosis). My still malfunctioning leg, occasional tremors, and increasing light sensitivity, oh and the om-my-god-I-can’t-believe-this-fatigue are NOT my biggest problem. My biggest problem is waiting. I have to wait until June 27th to see a neurologist. JUNE TWENTY-SEVENTH . . . this appointment was made on May 28th.
So, I wait, but I am a most impatient patient. Yes, I’ve called three other neurologists to try to get earlier appointments and wheels are in motion, but nothing is confirmed. I am a doer not a waiter, so I desperately dislike this “might have ms,” thing. I mean, if I do have ms, that totally sucks, but it also Makes Sense (this I will capitalize) of about three dozen random symptoms I’ve had repeatedly over the past twenty-some odd years. Also, if I do have ms, then I can move on with dealing with it physically and mentally. For now, I don’t know what have. I know it’s not a tumor (read that in an Arnold Schwarzenegger Kindergarten Cop accent please). It’s not a tumor. So, my brain lesions are as of yet undiagnosed, possibly ms, but it’s not a tumor. For now it’s all in my head – literally, there are pictures of the lesions in my head. Basal Cell Carcinoma is soooo last week.
I wait. I hate waiting.