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An Open Letter to My Neighbor’s Short Shorts

Dear Devious Denim Garment, With all due respect, I realize that you are, by virtue of age alone, vintage wear.  I remember your kind from the trailer park circa 1981 when Aggie’s boyfriend Garth wore a pair just like you with his  long striped tube socks and Vans checkered shoes. Not a pretty sight as he made out with Aggie on the hood of his black and lime green Trans Am. Your lifelong owner was likely a teenage boy back when he first bought you as full length pants.  Time… Read more An Open Letter to My Neighbor’s Short Shorts

An Open Letter to My Neighbor’s Retrievers

Dear Dogs, Firstly, I want to address the pink nosed Golden, you are sweet, and I like how you greet me through the fence hole with your smiling face and signature pink nose.  Thanks for being friendlier than that Pomeranian on the other side of my yard.  I do not hold you responsible for the chastisement I am about to meet out to your yard mate. But you, Yellow Lab, why, why, why does my presence excite you so greatly? Why, rather than inciting your bark, do you see me… Read more An Open Letter to My Neighbor’s Retrievers

An Open Letter to My Neighbor’s Cat

Dear Feisty Feline Friend, First, let me say how much my family and I appreciate how quickly you dispatched that mouse that fell in my window well back in September.  You’re our own personal Seal Team Six, and we invite you to dine in our backyard on any pigeons, mice, or squirrels you like, but please take your leftovers home with you. I’m writing you today, my rotund friend, to ask that you discontinue using my flower beds as a toilet.  Today, as I planted marigolds and snapdragons, I happened… Read more An Open Letter to My Neighbor’s Cat