Lost, Saved, and Spent

Liam Is Home

I was so busy buying flowers for the FABULOUS and exhausted teachers that kept my son safe throughout the past four days that I missed the buses arriving to bring him and my husband safely back to school.  The bus drivers (I need to learn their names) immediately left to pick up more evacuees to bring to safety.  Amazing.

Jim was fighting a cold before he went after our son and the cold has finally won.  He’s out cold – he is spent.

Fortunately, CDOT  found some very convoluted but safe alternatives to Trail Ridge Road, so although the rescue buses came over Trail Ridge (by way of Wyoming!) they did not have to return to such high altitude and Liam made it to safety. Sigh, breathe, relax. Thank you Colorado State Patrol, Larimer County Sheriff’s Department, and The Poudre Valley School District! THANK YOU!

I had to leave my kids at home about an hour after we got there to meet up with a group of women going to my friend Pam’s viewing at the funeral home. In my life I’ve seen more of death and grief than the average (non military) thirty-nine-year-old American.  It is never an easy thing.  Even as I grieved for Pam,  mine was a gentle rain against the torrent of grief felt by her husband, children, grandchildren, sisters, and cousins.  I feel honored that I could be there even if it was just to give tissues and hugs. I feel honored to be with Pam’s family as they mourn for her gracious presence because I know how much she meant to them all.  Her life was so very meaningful.

I came home to my lovely friend Kristina and a delicious home-cooked meal. My kids and I devoured our part and saved some for Jim.  We have so much love to give because we get so much love from others.

This has been a tragic, difficult, and terrifying week.  But our neighborhood children are safely at home.  This week ends in less than four hours, and a new week begins in the morning.  A fresh start, a new day is coming soon enough.  I know my friends’ pain will not recede even as fast as the mighty flood waters.  I know rebuilding their new lives will take more pain, effort, and time than rebuilding the highways.  A new life without the person you love never looks or feels the same as the beauty before the loss. Plains of Hell bust be crossed before the landscape becomes truly livable again. Yet,  the love Pam’s family  shared with her will shape the way they rebuild.  She will guide them through her example.

Colorado will rebuild again too.  We will all be scarred by this week:  the land, our hearts, our memories.  We will all be different, but we will always be loved.  With that thought, I too am spent and ready to rest. I will gather my strength for my final goodbyes to Pam on Thursday, and I will be there for hugs and tissues and all the love I have for Pam to redirect to those who she loved the most. At the end of all things, the only thing that ever matters is love.  Thanks for the love my dear friends, it gives me much needed peace in my spent heart tonight.

This picture is worth repeating


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